Shut Up and Listen…

It is after 4:00am, and I had a great night out with an even greater group of friends.

photo by Filomena Scalise - http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=851

There was no bar-hopping, loud clubs, or massive crowds full of testosterone.  There was good conversation, a lot of laughs, and a simple “hanging out” sort of vibe.  Perfect.  Being on stage as a living is amazing, and the key word in this sentence is “on”.  Being “me” on stage, staying “on” while signing autographs and greeting people, going out with venue staff and promoters after the show… These are the things that make show business… well, show business.  The opportunity to turn “off”, sip on an adult beverage, and be nobody but me is very welcome.

Tonight, it was exceptionally welcome; and I left the evening with a very pleasant surprise… and an example of one of my rules.

A few weeks ago after a show at the Funny Bone, I and a couple of the comedians grabbed a drink at the very same establishment that I was at this evening.  We had a waitress that evening who had a great personality… and this is not code for lack of physical beauty.  She had a great personality as well as being physically attractive.  She was even playful enough to buy me a drink when she lost a little friendly bet.  (Which, by the way, if you are reading this… I genuinely felt bad when I learned this evening that you really had to buy that drink.  Sorry!)

This evening, this same waitress had our table for the evening.  I must confess, I sat at the same table this evening as I did a few weeks ago just in case she was on duty.  Good call on my part.

Not being with a group who just stepped off the stage moments before we walked into the bar, I could just be me… at least the me who is more laid back and has not spent the last two hours getting his ego stroked.  This allowed me the opportunity to listen.  And this is the example that I want my clients to follow.

If you are a woman reading this, how many times does a man come up to you, throws you a pickup line, and acts like he is listening to you?  You know that he is thinking in his mind, “I wonder if she wants me.  Does she want me now?  Is this a good time to ask for her phone number?  Etc…”  And the only thing that he hears coming out of your mouth is “Blah, blah, blah…”, because he cannot hear what you are saying due to the self-talk he is doing inside.

If you are a guy reading this… You know you do it!  So, my professional advice is to SHUT UP and LISTEN!

I do hear men appear to be listening.  These men have learned along the course of many crash and burns that listening is a good thing.  Now, they listen just enough to women between the cries of their own selfish wants and desires that they can hold a decent conversation; however, if you sit back and watch their body language, they are broadcasting… “That’s nice.  Can you tell me that now with your top off?”

And this is why I have new clients contact me daily.

Here is the lesson, Men… Faking a conversation is just as bad (or worse) as not listening at all.  If you are not genuinely interested in what this human being right in front of you is saying, then you do not deserve the company of this women.  You deserve to have her tell you she has a boyfriend, you deserve to have her turn her back on you and talk with her friends, you deserve to get the wrong phone number from her, you deserve no return phone calls, and you deserve to get this over and over and over again.

Beauty is common, Guys.  I can walk into any public place and see beautiful women… they are not hard to find.  What is unique and rare is a beautiful women who stops you in your tracks by the way she moves, carries herself, exudes confidence, and what she has going on inside of her head.  Mental stimulation is a necessary foundation on which lifetimes are built.  In layman’s terms… If the person you are speaking with is stupid, then you are simply wasting your time.  And if you do not believe this, then you are not my client.  I do not teach anyone how to “hit ‘em and quit ‘em”.

So, getting back to my waitress this evening.  (By the way, I am purposely calling her the waitress, because I am keeping her name to myself.  I like knowing something about her that I do not think too many people know.)  It is my job to know people.  She seems to have an energy that screamed art.  I began with a bit of a fishing expedition by mentioning dance, music, etc…  No sparkle in her eye with any of these.

She said she was bored (sparse crowd tonight), so I suggested that she draw me a picture to pass the time.  Sparkle!

She ended up showing me photos on her phone of her artwork.  Absolutely amazing!  She is a very talented artist, and her art is for her.  She does not care if a single soul sees her art… she just does it out of the passion that she has deep down.  When I told her that her pieces would sell, she had very little interest in displaying and selling.

I can understand this.  I am a concert pianist, but very few people in my life know this about me.  Sitting down at a piano and playing and composing is my thing… it is my escape.  Sure, I could make money playing, but I do not want to… not anymore.

Although, with that said… I think she should really consider displaying a few.

I would have never learned this about her if I did not listen to what she was saying.  More importantly, I would have never learned this about her if I did not genuinely care what she had going on inside.

I love to learn what other people have a burning passion for inside.  I also like to talk to people about things they do not tell many people about.  These are connections that I have with people that I would not give away for anything.

So, would I like to get to know this woman better?  Would I like to talk to her more about the passion inside that she holds so close to herself?  Would I like to see more of what she can do?

Absolutely!

She is clearly beautiful on the outside.  None of you should fool yourself into thinking that you had a unique “line” that you just said to her.  She has probably heard them all and most more than once.

I, however, know that she is a wonderful person on the inside with a talent and passion that none of you know about; and I feel privileged to have made this connection with her.

Guys, throw the flippin’ pickup lines out the window, and just become curious about people.  Make connections, listen to people, and make friends… this is a good way to start.

Oh, and by the way, my waitress friend… If we can get past the fact that I can read your mind, I would love to see your other pieces.